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Everyone has a story about a difficult coworker.
Someone always comes to work late, borrows your favorite pen and doesn’t return it, or is regularly rude to teammates.
Most of the time, a difficult teammate’s behavior is annoying yet tolerable. But if the behavior becomes a bad habit, it tarnishes the person’s work relationships and causes workplace conflict.
When that happens, it’s time to learn how to deal with a difficult coworker without sacrificing professionalism.
Why is knowing how to deal with difficult coworkers important?
According to a survey from workforce relocation firm CapRelo, 65% of employees talk to coworkers outside of the office. And the benefits of workplace friendship go far. Having solid relationships with your coworkers improves mental health, boosts self-esteem, and helps prevent loneliness.
But you can’t become friends with everyone, especially at work. The Myers-Briggs Company’s Conflict at Work survey found that 36% of workers report dealing with conflict often, very often, or all the time. Even if you don’t face a difficult coworker every day, there’s still a high chance you’ll encounter one once in a while who creates a toxic work environment.
A difficult coworker has the potential to distract you, cause stress, and start a further conflict in the office, whether they have a short stint on your team or you have to see them every day. Learning how to start getting along with toxic coworkers — or at least collaborate effectively — can help you avoid larger problems and maintain productivity.
Before anything, check in with yourself
If you want to change your workplace, you have to start with yourself.
It’s easy to feel like difficult people are thorns in your side. But before you react and risk a potential conflict, take a moment to step back and examine your feelings.
Think about why you don’t like this person’s behavior. Are they uncooperative? Lazy? Bullying you or other employees?
You might dislike coworkers because they remind you of someone from your past or qualities you dislike in yourself. Identifying these feelings out loud with a friend, coach, or therapist, or even privately in a journal, lets you process your emotions and relieve stress. Then you can find a workable solution.
Another way to “check yourself” is to examine your own behavior. Most people have stories about the headaches their colleagues bring to the workweek, but many forget that sometimes, they’re someone else’s “difficult coworker.”
Anyone can have toxic traits, and it’s up to you to reflect and ask for feedback on how to change your behavior.
5 types of difficult coworkers
You processed your feelings, adjusted your behavior, and still wound up with a toxic coworker. Your next step is learning how to disagree with this person without sacrificing your professionalism.
There are many constructive ways to deal with a difficult colleague, but the strategies vary depending on the type of employee that’s getting under your skin. Here are five common types of difficult coworkers, plus a few tips for managing your relationships with them.
1. The sloth
If you’re a worker with a lot of ambition, people who don’t match your energy might get under your skin. They don’t work at your pace, and because of this, they seem lazy and disengaged. Sloths often finish their work slowly, which is particularly frustrating if you depend on their job to do your own.
Solution: It’s easy to write off a sloth as lazy, but their behavior doesn’t always tell you the whole story. Sometimes, slow coworkers are working through challenges, which could be anything from health issues to stress and burnout.
If your coworker’s pace causes problems, approach them with kindness and respect first to understand what they need to work more efficiently. Explain how their lack of urgency impacts your workload, and ask for clear communication about their bandwidth.
These difficult conversations will often inspire slow coworkers to make a change. But if your talks don’t make a difference or you aren’t sure how to approach them, you can always ask a manager or HR professional to intervene.
2. The bellyacher
Research shows that negativity at work costs businesses around $3 billion per year — and that bad atmosphere does more harm than just financial. Coworkers who dwell on problems and constantly complain can drain employee morale.
Of course, everyone benefits from expressing frustration when appropriate, but excessive negativity ultimately leads to a toxic work environment. And when someone starts complaining about you or your work, it can hurt your feelings and affect your relationship.
Solution: These situations are perfect for checking in with yourself. Consider your coworker’s complaints objectively and determine why they’re bothering you. Are they incorrect? Or do they point out an issue you’d rather avoid? Consider working with your colleague to find a solution together.
If your colleague’s complaints aren’t valid, or if you can’t make a change, offer a new perspective. After a coworker starts ranting, saying something like, “I actually enjoyed that meeting” can dampen the negative energy in a snap.
3. The spotlight hog
Teamwork is essential for success, and when done right, it yields impressive results. But sometimes your team can feel a little off-kilter — especially when one person wants more credit than necessary. They might make every project about themselves or even stoop to lying about the part they played. If so, you’ve got a spotlight hog on your hands.
Solution: Most of these people want recognition from their coworkers or managers, which could be to mask self-esteem issues. Maybe that person feels undervalued and doesn’t know how to react, or feels like they don’t have enough responsibility for the project in the first place.
Acknowledging the contributions your coworker did make could give them the validation they need. And if you still find they still want to hog the spotlight, don’t be afraid to reach out to your manager to clarify the truth and assert expectations about everyone’s role.
4. The hotshot
Some coworkers think they know it all. They’re loud in meetings, rarely accept constructive criticism, and often steamroll their team members to ensure their ideas are front and center. They don’t know how to work on a team that gives everyone an equal voice, leading to an imbalance of power and unfair structure.
Solution: Like the spotlight hog above, chances are the hotshot is looking for validation and appreciation. Try appealing to their ego and asking them for advice about a problem you’re having. This shows that you value their ideas while modeling a scenario that asks for their input actively. That way, they don’t have to overtake team conversations.
But if the problem looms larger, you might have to speak up for yourself and other team members. Be clear and direct about how their behavior affects everyone’s work without insulting them. And if it seems to be a symptom of a larger issue with that person, talk to your leaders about a more involved intervention.
5. The gossip
At first glance, the office gossip may seem like the opposite of a difficult coworker. They’re friendly and personable, always chatting and making friends with people at every desk. But once that person turns small talk into gossip, they can stir up uncomfortable situations and put you in a position you aren’t sure how to handle.
Solution: The best way to handle gossip in the workplace is to ignore it. If your coworker wants to share a story that oversteps boundaries, leave or politely divert the conversation. While this confrontation may be a little awkward, it will help create a more harmonious work environment in the long run.
And since the office gossip likely just wants to make friends, find other ways to bond as a team that don’t involve oversharing.
How to deal with a difficult coworker: 5 tips
Many factors influence your approach to workplace relationships, from your communication style to personal pet peeves. But whether you’re dealing with a sloth, hotshot, or anything in between, these tips can help you learn how to deal with difficult coworkers:
1. Limit your time together
If a colleague drains and demotivates you, limiting your interactions with them is okay. Keep your conversations professional, set boundaries in your office, and politely excuse yourself from small talk. Just don’t give your colleague the cold shoulder — that could cause more conflict than necessary.
2. Regulate your response
Before reacting to a difficult coworker or situation, step back and notice how you feel. Your reaction could make things worse. If you’re feeling angry or upset, avoid lashing out. Separate yourself from the problem and try calming techniques like deep breathing. Approach the situation clearly once you have a clear head and a calm body.
3. Stay positive
If negativity depletes employee morale, positivity gives it a boost. While you can’t control everyone else’s feelings, spreading joy makes the workplace better for everyone. Focus on gratitude and cultivating your work-life balance so you have the energy to contribute to a positive environment.
4. Remain professional
Try not to let a difficult coworker get in the way of your professional goals. Chances are, their behavior isn’t about you and just represents a problem they’re having. Speak up about it, but protect your energy and focus on your own path. It’s easier said than done, but they shouldn’t distract you from doing your job.
5. Ask for help
Sometimes, dealing with difficult coworkers takes more than just one conversation. If you have difficulty getting through to a colleague or regulating your responses to them, it’s time to open a larger conversation with HR or your manager. A mentor or coach can also help you manage your emotions at work, start difficult conversations, and refocus your attention on achieving your goals.
Create a comfortable workplace dynamic
You spend five days a week at work, and that time should be as pleasant as you can make it. When a coworker creates a toxic environment, don’t be afraid to take action. Your efforts to learn how to deal with difficult coworkers will make your 9–5 a little easier — not just for you, but for everyone.
