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What are the signs and symptoms of loneliness?
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You’re not alone in feeling lonely.
Nearly 40% of Americans are experiencing loneliness either all or part of the time — and it’s no longer an option to ignore it at home or at work.
Let’s look at the risks of loneliness, its causes, and when to see a mental health professional for help. We’ll also share some strategies for overcoming loneliness and some tips on preventing it from happening in the first place.
It’s more important than ever to eliminate the stigma and address the epidemic of loneliness.
It’s making people sick and costing employers a ton of money, according to Gabriella Rosen Kellerman, psychiatrist and Chief Product Officer for BetterUp, a digital coaching and mental health platform.
“Loneliness is an expensive problem that will affect their bottom line, whether they realize it or not,” she says.
Solving this public health issue is crucial for our mental fitness, health, and general well-being. It affects the quality of our lives at home, in the workplace, and in the world at large.
Loneliness is the difference between your actual level of social connection and the level of connection you desire. Ultimately, loneliness and social isolation are different — even though they often influence one another.
Feelings of loneliness are subjective and can only truly be defined by the person feeling them. You can actually be lonely but not alone. For example, if you have a lot of social activities but they’re with people who you don’t really connect with or who you feel don’t understand you.
By contrast, social isolation means having a lack of close friends or infrequent social interactions.
Loneliness often involves feeling:
Or a mix of all these.
Feeling this way can lead to feelings of isolation, which in turn leads to more loneliness, and the vicious cycle continues.
If loneliness goes unchecked for too long, it becomes ingrained in your daily experience, and that’s when chronic loneliness sets in.
Chronic loneliness is the constant feeling of separation from other people. It manifests as the inability to connect with others in a meaningful way and feelings of deep loneliness.
Feeling alone can be caused by a number of things that prevent you from feeling connected. Here are some of the top causes of loneliness:
Nearly 40% of Americans reported experiencing loneliness in 2018, according to a report by HBR. In 2019, that figure rose to 61%.
Older adults and young people are the most heavily impacted. This is probably due to a major disruption in social support during the coronavirus pandemic lockdowns that caused 36% of people to report feeling more lonely than usual.
Workers are also a cause for concern.
America’s loneliest workers are single, childless, and well-educated. They’re more likely to be government workers, non-heterosexual, and non-religious, according to the HBR study. Among them, doctors and lawyers experience the most loneliness.
According to HBR, Workers who report having strong social relationships and a sense of shared meaning with work peers are 24% less likely to quit.
Feeling deeply disconnected and alone is the number one sign of loneliness. Other signs of loneliness and symptoms include:
Several studies have shown that loneliness causes stress responses in the body. These can lead to major health issues for lonely individuals. The health risks of loneliness include:
Now that we’ve covered the risks, let’s move on to our top tips for overcoming loneliness.
Our top tips for overcoming loneliness include:
Why? When you do the inner work to accept yourself and love yourself for who you are, you feel more comfortable in your own skin. Practicing daily self-care makes it easier to be more comfortable around others.
Make sure to schedule time to nurture your connections. Create healthy boundaries to be fully present (for example, no phones at dinner or Zoom meetings).
Check in on your people — what have they been doing? What’s been on their mind lately?
Don’t assume you’ll be turned down when striking up a conversation or trying to start a friendship — try anyway. And if it doesn’t work out, there are plenty of other people in the world who would be delighted to connect with you.
It’s about being part of a give-and-take relationship. Both friends understand each other, care about each other’s thoughts and feelings, and are there for each other through the good and the bad.
When you learn how to manage your emotions in positive ways, you communicate with empathy. This allows you to connect even deeper with other people. As a bonus, you learn how to manage your stress levels in a healthier way.
But what if you want to stop loneliness from ever creeping in?
That’s where prevention comes in.
Our top three tips for preventing loneliness are:
If an in-person gathering isn’t an option (due to COVID-19 or another reason), get creative and stay in touch online. Watch movies together online or schedule a socially distanced gathering if appropriate.
Nurturing social connections is just as important as healthy food and exercise for mental and physical health.
Make sure to weave nurturing your social connections into your healthy diet and exercise plan. For example, stay hydrated, eat a vegetable with every meal, do yoga, go to brunch with a friend, plan a date with your partner.
Whether it’s messaging each other memes on Slack (if you work remotely), cracking jokes by the water cooler, or solving a pressing issue together, it’s important to feel like you share a sense of purpose.
If you’re a solopreneur, look for in-person and virtual coworking spaces to regularly connect with others just like you.
Although loneliness can affect anyone, senior citizens and young adults are the two most vulnerable groups.
Here’s a look at the two groups and why they’re vulnerable:
Senior Citizens |
Young Adults (ages 18-25) |
Spouses, friends, and family are passing away |
Report having seriously considered suicide |
Friends and family are moving away or can’t visit |
Take on more hours and feel afraid to push back |
Onset of debilitating illness |
Feel a sense of alienation or detachment around peers and “friends” |
These groups constantly experience major changes and losses in their lives. Therefore, it’s no wonder they’re the most vulnerable to experiencing loneliness.
Unlike loneliness, solitude is a positive and healthy way to spend time alone. Spending time alone can even be a form of self-care.
Solitude generally involves a desire to be alone to regroup, refocus, or relax. By contrast, loneliness involves feeling disconnected from others when you don’t want to be.
It’s important to note that introverts may experience solitude differently than extroverts. While introverts derive energy from being alone, extroverts derive energy from being with other people.
Everyone's a little introverted and a little extroverted. This means the line between solitude and loneliness depends on each person’s feelings and interpretations.
The effects of loneliness over long periods of time are a cause for concern.
Social isolation and loneliness are both risk factors for premature mortality. According to loneliness and social isolation expert Dr. Julianne Holt-Lunstad, lacking social connections is equivalent to smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day.
Dr. Holt-Lunstad also concluded that while you may not die from loneliness immediately, loneliness has a greater impact on our health than obesity, physical inactivity, and air pollution.
Because people influence one another, loneliness can be contagious. For example, when a “non-lonely” person spends time with a lonely person.
Researchers have also found 15 gene regions linked to loneliness, meaning that loneliness can also be hereditary.
If you’re having a hard time managing your loneliness, or if you’ve reached a state of chronic loneliness, it’s time to seek support and interventions that can help you overcome it.
Some red flags that point to needing a specialist include:
It’s time to beat the stigma around mental health and loneliness. There’s nothing wrong with getting help — your life might depend on it.
Loneliness is a major public health concern, but it doesn’t have to be. Understanding the causes, symptoms, and ways to deal with loneliness can help you overcome it. It can also prevent loneliness from coming back in the future.
The paradox of loneliness and social isolation is that they are usually easy to remedy. All it takes is increasing our social contacts and sense of connectedness. However, it is often the very feeling of loneliness that stops us from reaching out to others.
If you’re experiencing loneliness, it’s essential to seek help. Join a local support group, talk to a close friend or family member, start a new hobby, or try working with a professional therapist or coach.
And if you need a bit of personal support, reach out to one of our coaches.
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