What is the fear of missing out (FOMO) & how to overcome it

The fear of missing out (also known as FOMO) is a type of anxiety that stems from a fear of exclusion. If you’ve ever worried that you missed out on a fun event that someone else got to attend, you’ve experienced FOMO.

FOMO can hinder your personal growth by driving anxious and compulsive behavior that can distract you from your true goals. Managing your fear of missing out is key to maintaining your self-esteem, mental health, and overall well-being. Making mindful choices that align with your values can reduce social anxiety and feelings of envy.

To learn how to overcome FOMO, you first need to understand what it is, what it feels like, and FOMO’s underlying causes. 

What is fear of missing out (FOMO)?

The fear of missing out refers to a constant anxiety that others are having rewarding experiences without you. You may fear that others are having more fun or living happier lives than you. This can trigger feelings of depression or low self-esteem because you may feel like you’re not doing enough to reach your full potential.

The psychological concept of FOMO has become popular because of social media, where people are constantly exposed to images and videos of others’ life experiences. Watching “highlight reels” on popular social networking sites like Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok can make it seem like you’re falling behind socially.  

FOMO examples

The fear of missing out can stem from a variety of scenarios that don’t always start with social media use. Examples of FOMO include the following:

• Fitness: Seeing an athlete you look up to spending hours in the gym every day and feeling like you’ll never live up to that standard
• Travel: Following a travel blogger who is constantly exploring new countries and cultures and believing you’ll never have the resources to do that
• Friend group exclusion: Seeing a picture of your best friends at a party you weren’t invited to and thinking you’re being replaced
• Life stages: Scrolling through photos of old classmates getting married and having children while believing you’ll never find a life partner to share those things with
• Adventures: Watching someone sky-dive, knowing you’re too afraid of heights to ever experience that adrenaline rush

What is the root cause of FOMO? 

FOMO can develop as a result of both internal and external factors, such as not having your needs met or repeatedly comparing yourself to others. This can include feelings of insecurity, disappointment, and social anxiety. 

According to a study led by psychologist Andrew Przybylski, FOMO is linked to higher levels of social media engagement and lower life satisfaction. Here are a few ways these factors and others can trigger a fear of missing out:

• Social media use: Social media and mental health are closely intertwined due, in large part, to social comparison theory. This psychology theory suggests that people evaluate their own activities and beliefs by comparing them with others, which can lead to FOMO.
• Unhappiness: When you are feeling stuck or unhappy with your own lifestyle, it often makes the good things in others’ lives stand out more. This can give you the perception that you’re missing out on something.
• Insecurity: A lack of confidence in yourself can lead to automatic negative thoughts about your life not being “good enough” compared to those around you or on social media.
• Unrealistic expectations: If your expectations for your life are unrealistic, it can quickly lead to discontentment and anxiety. For example, if you want to spend six hours cycling each day to match the pros, you might end up disappointed when you realize that’s impossible because of your schedule.
• Exposure to “perfect” relationships: Seeing photos of couples who constantly look happy and in love plastered all over social media can cause you to question whether your own relationship is ideal.
• Need for connection: The innate need to connect with people and feel a sense of belonging can trigger FOMO if you feel like you aren’t getting enough social interaction.
• Fear of regret: Similar to FOMO, a fear of regret is when you worry you might miss out on an opportunity for a social connection or a memorable event.

How to deal with FOMO in your life

While it may seem like a minor mindset problem, a fear of missing out can impact your overall mental health and well-being. Research shows that FOMO can lead to problematic effects like sleep disturbances, a decline in academic or work performance, and worse mental health outcomes. It can also cause a loss of productivity and poor social functioning. These factors can impact your physical health due to anxiety, sleep loss, and increased stress.

To help you avoid some of the psychological pitfalls of FOMO and find happiness, here are seven tactics you can use to overcome it.

1. Reflect on your core values and build your life around them

A fear of missing out often stems from social comparison. This can make it difficult to separate your own personal values from those you feel pressured to pursue. 

To regain your individual voice, work on forming your personal values and use them to create the life you want to live. Examples of personal values include the following:

• Creativity
• Self-respect
• Uniqueness
• Loyalty
• Wellness
• Community
• Authenticity

You can identify your personal values by asking yourself what moments bring the most meaning to your life. Consider the times you felt most and least satisfied and why. It’s also important to account for what you feel most proud of and inspired by.

2. Spend less time on social media

One of the quickest ways to overcome your FOMO is to reduce your social media use, such as through a digital detox, which may trigger those feelings. However, an internet addiction can make this hard to do.

The instant gratification of notifications makes it natural for people to check their phone every time it buzzes. However, the more time you spend on social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram, the more the brain craves those endorphins, further heightening feelings of FOMO. Decreasing your social media use or putting in the work to combat an internet addiction can make it easier to live by your own standards and put your FOMO behind you.

3. Practice gratitude

Instead of feeling intense FOMO over what you don’t have, be intentional about expressing thankfulness for the things you do have. Practicing gratitude comes with lots of benefits. It can help combat depression, boost your optimism, and lead to better physical well-being, all of which can help prevent FOMO.

You can cultivate an abundance mindset through gratitude practices like acts of kindness, meditation, and mindful breathing.

4. Self-reflect

Instead of acting on compulsive thoughts while experiencing FOMO, take time to self-reflect on your emotions and why you might be feeling this way. A great way to do this is through journaling.

Whenever you feel a fear of missing out, pick up your journal and write about it. Describe the situation, the people involved, the emotions you’re feeling, and what you think may have triggered your anxiety. 

Did you feel loneliness or insecurity? Was it brought on by a certain image on social media, or did you hear about an event after it happened? Repeatedly doing this can help you identify patterns in the causes of your FOMO.

5. Foster a positive mindset

Social networking can make it easy to view life as a glass half empty instead of half full. Try to intentionally change your perspective to cultivate a positive mindset. This involves building resilience, accepting reality outside social media, and seeing the good in others. 

One way to build a positive outlook is by repeating positive affirmations to yourself to combat low self-esteem.

6. Set realistic goals

When setting your goals, it’s important to be as realistic as possible (and not use social media as a gauge). Start by setting the bar low to position yourself for success, and work your way up.

For each goal, consider the time, money, and other resources required to determine whether you might be reaching too high. Setting goals you can achieve can lead to feel-good moments of pride in what you’ve accomplished and encourage you to keep at it. 

For example, maybe you have a goal to be healthier. You could start by walking for a half hour each day on your lunch break.

7. Practice mindfulness

Mindfulness is a practice that helps you stay in the present moment. With mindfulness, you can feel your emotions without letting them control you. This can help you invest more in the life you currently live.

Mindfulness activities you can try include paying attention to your breathing, practicing stillness, and engaging in mindful eating. These activities can put you in touch with your senses, which can help you to focus on the present.

FOMO vs. JOMO vs. FOBO

In the world of social acronyms, JOMO and FOBO stand as cousins to FOMO. While they all sound similar, each term means something different.

The joy of missing out (JOMO)

JOMO is an acronym that stands for the “joy of missing out.” Unlike FOMO, which considers missing out on events a negative thing, JOMO embraces opting out of activities to focus on your self-care. People with JOMO enjoy missing certain events because they’re prioritizing what they want to do instead of what they may feel pressured to do.

An example of JOMO would be opting out of seeing a movie in a series you don’t enjoy to stay home and read your favorite book. Another might be decreasing your social media use to spend that time engaging with a fun new hobby instead.

The fear of a better option (FOBO)

Similar to FOMO, FOBO, or the fear of a better option, expresses feelings of concern that you may be missing out on something great. However, this version is a phenomenon that may cause you to avoid committing to a choice because you fear something better may come along.

Often described as choice paralysis, an example of FOBO is when you wait as long as possible to decide about a job offer because you’re worried a better opportunity may come. The root drive of FOBO is to avoid potential regret.

Overcome your fear of missing out for a happier life

Experiencing a fear of missing out can be disheartening and emotional. It can trigger feelings of loneliness, jealousy, and envy. However, there are things you can try to help you overcome it so it doesn’t hold you back.

Overcoming FOMO starts with self-awareness and identifying anxious feelings. Working with a life coach can help you determine where your feelings of anxiety are coming from and the best steps to rise above them.

Work with a BetterUp Coach to achieve social freedom and live a happier, more satisfying life.