The difference between envy vs. jealousy (with examples)

People often use the words “envy” and “jealousy” interchangeably, but they aren’t synonymous. Both words describe a negative feeling of wanting something someone else has. Whether you’re experiencing envy vs. jealousy is often determined by underlying thought processes and the intensity of the feeling.

It’s important to recognize the difference between these feelings so you can better manage them. Doing so can help you build healthier relationships, manage your emotions, and create a more positive workplace environment.

American professor and researcher Brené Brown puts it this way: “Envy is wanting something that someone else has. Jealousy is the fear of losing something you already have to someone else.”

For example, you might feel jealous of someone who is spending time with your best friend because you’re afraid you’ll grow apart. In contrast, you might feel envy when you see your neighbor drive home in a fancy new car if yours is older and needs repairs.

What is envy?

Envy is associated with a feeling of discontentment. You might feel less satisfied with things you have when you compare them with what someone else has.

There’s more to envy than coveting another’s possessions. It can also be introduced by a desire to have someone else’s talent, positive personality traits, good fortune, or healthy lifestyle. Although it’s a negative feeling, it’s often combined with a mix of admiration for the other person’s accomplishments.

What does jealousy feel like?

Jealousy is often associated with stronger emotions compared to envy, such as a feeling of possessiveness or bitterness. It’s a mental uneasiness that can stem from suspicions or insecurities. 

When you’re jealous, you might feel a sense of rivalry or competitiveness with another person over something you both want. You may also feel angry, upset, or threatened.

Envy vs. jealousy examples

One of the easiest ways to distinguish envy vs. jealousy is to look at examples. Some examples of envy would be desiring:

• A sibling’s singing voice
• The travel lifestyle of a loved one
• A coworker’s promotion
• Your boss’s position in the organizational structure
• Expensive concert tickets won by your neighbor

Situations that cause jealousy often look different than ones that lead to envy. Some examples of jealousy would be resenting: 

• The attention your parents give to a younger sibling
• A fellow team member receiving favoritism in the workplace
• Compliments your romantic partner gives to someone else
• A friend who is hanging out with someone you don’t like

Are envy and jealousy always bad?

Envy and jealousy are both natural human emotions, which means they aren’t inherently “good” or “bad.” It’s possible to express envy and jealousy in healthy ways, such as by recognizing your emotions and being open about them with your partner.

These emotions can also be a great reminder to prioritize self-reflection and personal development. Use these feelings as an opportunity to consider their root cause, which can help you identify potential triggers of these emotions. Recognizing jealousy and envy immediately can also give you the opportunity to take a step back so you can respond without any initial feeling of resentment or anger.

How to manage envy and jealousy

Both envy and jealousy can take a negative toll on your relationships and your self-esteem. Showing signs of jealousy can lead to a lack of trust in relationships, especially in those with an anxious attachment style. 

Additionally, a 2020 study published in Psychiatry Investigation shows that people with high levels of envy are more likely to experience feelings of inferiority. Envy is also associated with depression.

To better manage feelings of jealousy and envy, consider some of the following strategies.

Be honest with yourself

The first step toward better emotional regulation is to acknowledge your feelings. Many people don’t like to admit when they’re jealous or envious of someone because it shows vulnerability. However, these feelings are normal human responses and are not a flaw in your character. To work toward healthier reactions, you must first recognize how these feelings manifest in your own life.

If you struggle with this, consider seeking advice from a professional who is familiar with cognitive behavioral therapy for envy.

Self-reflect

Self-reflection is the process of sitting with your emotions, thoughts, and desires to better understand your behaviors and feelings. Engaging in self-reflection builds self-awareness that can help you quickly identify when these feelings arise and what caused them.

Self-reflection can help you pinpoint patterns of envy and jealousy, explore reasons you may have felt that way, and consider your optimal outcomes when faced with these negative emotions.

Some self-reflection questions you can ask yourself include the following:

• Is what I’m feeling jealousy or envy?
• Where do I currently stand on the emotion wheel, and where would I like to be?
• What are some consequences that have occurred due to feelings of jealousy or envy in my life?
• How often do I feel like a jealous person? How about an envious person?
• What exactly am I jealous or envious of? Is there a deeper desire here?
• What is my envy or jealousy telling me about my personal values?
• How have I responded to envy or jealousy in the past? What has been the outcome?
• What is the best-case scenario, and how can I achieve it?
• What are some ways I can stop being jealous?

Talk it out with your partner

If you’re feeling jealousy in your romantic relationship, openly communicate about it with your partner. Wait for any feelings of anger or resentment to pass so you can bring it up in a non-accusatory manner after you calm yourself down. 

Explain exactly how you’re feeling and what you believe is causing it, then ask them if you can work through the feelings together. If you have a jealous boyfriend or girlfriend, encourage them to do the same. Listen actively to their side of the story and keep an open mind.

Having a candid conversation is a much more productive way to solve the problem than trying to control your partner or searching for relationship red flags. In addition to jealousy, open and effective communication can also diminish feelings of distrust or suspicion. 

Use empathy

If you find yourself jealous or envious of someone else’s achievements, try changing your perspective. Instead of wishing you were in their shoes, tap into empathy to see the positive in their success. You can also ask them about their path to success and use their advice as inspiration to reach your own goals.

This isn’t an easy mindset shift, but the more you practice it, the more natural it can become. Focus on celebrating others’ achievements, just as your support system celebrates yours.

Accept what’s out of your control

You can’t control what happens to other people, and you might not be able to control the way you feel. But, you can control how you react. The way you respond to jealousy and envy is a choice that’s yours to make. 

At a time when you feel calm, consider how you’d prefer to respond when you experience feelings of jealousy or envy. Ask yourself what it looks like to respond in a healthy way, and list any tactics you can use in the moment to get you there. This way, you’ll feel more prepared to handle these emotions when they arise.

Practice self-compassion

It’s not easy to admit when you’re feeling jealous or envious. These terms tend to carry a negative connotation, making you feel guilty or self-conscious for having the feelings. You might feel like a failure for letting these emotions get the best of you.

As you work through these feelings, remember to practice self-compassion. Try to approach the situation with curiosity rather than judgment. It’s not your fault for feeling the way you do, and acknowledging the emotions is much healthier than holding them inside.

Focus on your own life

Feelings of envy and jealousy always involve other people. The easiest way to avoid these emotions is to focus on yourself and your own life instead of comparing yourself to others. It’s important to learn how to be content with what you have and the personality traits that make you unique. 

This can be especially challenging in the company of social media. When social media leads to unhealthy social comparisons, reducing time online can lead to fewer feelings of envy.

Try using positive affirmations regularly to be intentional about focusing on the good things in your life. Consider starting a gratitude practice such as gratitude journaling. Studies have shown that gratitude can reduce malicious envy and increase mental well-being and life satisfaction, improving your mental health.

Manage envy vs. jealousy to accelerate personal growth

While there are some differences between envy vs. jealousy, it’s important to learn how to manage both feelings. Letting go of these emotions can lead to healthier relationships, increased confidence, and a life full of gratitude.

If you’re struggling to identify the causes of your negative feelings, working with a lifestyle coach can help. Learn to manage jealousy and envy and channel both for growth by working with a BetterUp Coach.