Main character syndrome explained: is it good or bad?

Intentionally appointing yourself as the main character of your life isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Instead, whether it’s positive or negative depends on your mindset. This is because main character syndrome can be a tool to embrace self-care or a force that tears down relationships. 

Those lost on the dark side of main character syndrome have abandoned empathy at the cost of their connections to focus only on themselves. To overcome this, they must recognize their tendency to surrender the compassion that’s part of healthy relationships while leaving room to set boundaries.

Personal development and growth won’t happen without striking a balance between focusing on yourself and practicing empathy. Whether main character syndrome is good or bad for you depends on how well you can achieve this balance.  

The term “main character syndrome” can celebrate self-care for mental health. However, it can also be associated with toxic traits, such as attention-seeking behavior, an inflated sense of self-importance, or a lack of consideration for others.

Main character syndrome originated as a trend on social media platforms such as TikTok. We don’t know who was truly the first to use the term, but a viral video from Ashley Ward inspired the creation of tens of thousands of TikTok videos on the topic.

The video encourages viewers to consider themselves the main characters of their lives and includes the following voice-over:

“You have to start romanticizing your life. You have to start thinking of yourself as the main character. ’Cause if you don’t, life will continue to pass you by.” 

– Ashley Ward, TikTok

Defenders of the term say there is a way to coexist with other people who are also the main characters of their own lives. But problems arise if you start ignoring others’ needs and abandoning relationships.

Main character syndrome examples

Having main character energy can cause you to become overly focused on yourself. This behavior can disrupt human connection, cause social isolation, and lead you down a path of entitlement.

The following examples of main character syndrome illustrate behavior associated with the term and how it could go wrong if taken too far:

• You regularly post about your life on social media as if it were a grand adventure. This is problematic if you put down the lives of others as if they don’t matter as much as yours. 
• You often relate back to your own experiences in conversation. This can strain relationships if you’re frequently interrupting or not listening to what others have to say. 
• You seek praise or validation often. If every interaction becomes about seeking praise for your achievements or you dismiss others’ achievements, you may see relationships wane. 
• You want your challenges acknowledged. Insisting that your challenges are greater than everyone else’s or demanding support when others need it, too, could alienate friends or colleagues. 
• You enjoy being the center of attention. Turning every social interaction into a photo shoot or dominating conversations are two ways this could rub people the wrong way. 
• You take credit for accomplishments. If you take credit for others’ accomplishments or shared achievements with a team, others may not want to work with you. 
• You think your opinion is always correct. It’s frustrating to talk to someone who doesn’t value your point of view. If you always think your opinion is right, it can lead others to avoid conversations with you. 

These examples of main character syndrome aren’t inherently bad. However, these behaviors become problematic when they’re taken too far and start hurting the people around you.

Main character syndrome vs. narcissism

The terms “narcissism” and “main character syndrome” are often used interchangeably, but they’re not the same thing. Narcissism is a diagnosable personality disorder, whereas main character syndrome is a social term.

Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition defined by a need for superiority and admiration coupled with a severe lack of empathy. It’s estimated only 1% to 2% of the U.S. population has narcissistic personality disorder. 

To illustrate the difference between main character syndrome and narcissism, let’s consider “Lisa,” who owns a successful business. She often demands praise and acknowledgment from her staff and gets angry or dismissive when she doesn’t get it. She tends to manipulate her employees and intentionally makes them feel inadequate.

Lisa’s harmful behavior and need for control are classic indicators of narcissism. Main character syndrome, on the other hand, is more focused on portraying oneself in a favorable light.

Main character syndrome symptoms

Being aware of an inflated sense of self or noticing related personality traits in others can lead to better decision-making. It can also lead to more balanced and healthier personal and professional interactions. 

These are some symptoms and examples of how you might see main character syndrome symptoms manifest:

• Constant life narration: Posting on social media to describe routine activities, like commuting, as if they are significant events in a personal story
• Believing your problems are more important than those of others: Dominating meetings at work for personal gain while dismissing colleagues’ issues as less significant
• Expecting others to focus on your life events: Lashing out when friends don’t pay enough attention to birthday parties or other personal events
• Being the hero of every situation: Retelling stories about accomplishments made with a team but exaggerating a personal role, like a firefighter who claims he single-handedly put out a fire
• Overdramatizing minor inconveniences: Reacting to a small delay in a project as if it’s a major catastrophe and expecting coworkers to rally to resolve the issue
• Expecting constant validation and attention: Regularly seeking praise from colleagues for routine tasks and becoming visibly disappointed if efforts aren’t acknowledged.
• Expecting others to revolve around your schedule: Frequently changing plans at the last minute and expecting friends to accommodate without complaint
• Assuming special treatment: Being entitled to special consideration, like expecting to get served first at dinner after a long day of work
• Expecting friends to participate in plans without question: Organizing a weekend trip and assuming friends will all attend, even if it’s expensive or inconvenient
• Expecting others to drop everything: Calling friends late at night to discuss a minor issue at work and expecting them to stay on the phone, even if they’re tired

If you notice any symptoms of main character syndrome in yourself or others around you, consider correcting them or setting healthy boundaries. 

Is main character syndrome good or bad? 

Main character syndrome isn’t fundamentally good or bad. If you can adopt the concept as a form of self-care while being considerate of others, it can be healthy. In fact, it’s likely doing you some good if you feel a human connection to the people around you and are fulfilled by those relationships.

But if a desire for control over others drives you, or your main character syndrome is causing you to neglect relationships, it can be damaging. Experiencing social isolation symptoms, loneliness, or frustration by your interactions with other people are signs that it’s probably not healthy for you.

Dealing with main character syndrome in yourself and others

Looking in the mirror and accurately assessing your behavior is often hard. Pat yourself on the back if you’ve identified some self-centered symptoms in yourself and want to change. You’re making an effective investment in your personal development.

It can be equally hard to look after your well-being and relationships with loved ones, friends, or a manager at work if those individuals have a damaging version of main character syndrome. If you’re in such a situation or are dealing with a narcissist, remember you deserve to feel valued. 

Overcoming main character syndrome in yourself

Deliberately shifting focus from yourself to others is an effective way to overcome main character syndrome. It requires caring for others without the need for personal gain. 

Here are tactics to help improve your personal growth:

1. Practice active listening: Make a conscious effort to listen more during conversations instead of thinking about what you will say next. Try your best to understand others’ perspectives and ask questions if you’re not sure you do.
2. Set intentional time for others: Schedule check-ins with team members where you intend to give them control over the agenda. Plan a date night with your partner to do something they love. This will help others in your life feel supported.
3. Reflect on your interactions: Schedule time for self-reflection or start journaling about your interactions with others each day. Pinpoint instances when you were overly focused on yourself and look for ways to make adjustments.
4. Practice empathic listening: Shift gears when you’re tempted to talk about yourself, trying instead to imagine how the other person feels as they speak. When you think you know, ask them if you correctly understand their feelings and validate them.
5. Seek feedback and act on it: Ask trusted friends, family members, or colleagues to point out times when you focus too much on yourself, interrupt conversations, or put others down. Be receptive to feedback by reacting without anger and adjusting your behavior. 

The hardest part about changing your behavior may be slowing down enough to recognize your actions. Each of these tactics requires taking a step back to consider whether your behavior still serves you.

Dealing with main character syndrome in others

If someone in your life has main character syndrome, consider whether you want to continue engaging with them. If you do, or if you’re in a relationship you can’t change right away, here are some ways to deal with draining people that will help protect and improve your self-esteem. 

1. Set clear boundaries and stick to them: Setting boundaries and reinforcing them when someone with main character syndrome tries to cross them is essential. For example, if you’ve asked a friend not to call you after 7 p.m., don’t pick up the phone if they do. 
2. Gently encourage empathetic habits: If you have a friend who always interrupts a conversation, gently guide them to consider other opinions. You might say, “Emma, I’m curious what Jenna thinks about this topic” to help encourage improved listening.
3. Give constructive feedback: Let that person know you’ve noticed their damaging behaviors and kindly suggest an alternative. For example, if you have a colleague who dominates meetings, you might say, “Mark, I’ve noticed you have a lot of great ideas, but sometimes others don’t get a chance to share theirs. Let’s work on giving everyone some space to contribute.”
4. Use “I” statements to address issues directly: If you’re feeling frustrated enough to address an issue head-on, use more assertiveness and “I” statements like “I don’t feel heard when our conversations mostly focus on your experiences.” This helps you communicate without sounding accusatory.
5. Model balanced interactions: Act the way you want to be treated in front of the person in your life with main character syndrome. In conversation, focus on yourself briefly and then provide room for others to speak to model desired behavior.

Main character syndrome: balancing confidence and empathy

There’s nothing wrong with acting like a lead character if it means taking care of yourself or building confidence and self-worth. Those aspects of main character syndrome can help pave the way for a fulfilling life.

Problems occur when you take it too far and start to cause harm or create insecurities in others around you. Get matched with a BetterUp Coach to manage main character syndrome and build healthier relationships.